It's day 30 post college graduation and I'm still at step 1 or maybe even -1. During the toasts, cheers, and pictures in that huge toga-looking gown and little piece of paper saying I'm smart enough to go out into the "real world," I felt like I had a direction. The last semester had been like a break through. I had a crisp vision of what I wanted to do (or so I thought). It was a time of drinking, celebrating with friends, and everyone being oh so proud of me.
A month later people keep congratulating me and I keep asking myself why. I've come to realize I just finished a four-year long play date. Sure, I had sleepless nights of stress and barely even had time to sit for a decent meal in college, but no action, disaster, or success was really consequential in this little bubble.
Now, I'm in the "real world" and my driving compass which consisted of assignments to turn in, jobs to get done, and meetings to attend has been taken from me. While my day used to begin nearly before sunrise and end in exhaustion after midnight, my life has slowed down to sitting at home in front of the computer languidly trying to apply for jobs. I feel like I'm on a treadmill, running and crossing things off my checklist, but getting nowhere. I'm not complaining and I don't feel sorry for myself, but rather I'm still in shock. No one prepared me for these "post-grad doldrums"; I've always had a direction to run in.
After a few highs and lows these past few days, the skies parted and the heavens spoke to me and said it would all be okay and that I would find a job tomorrow. Just kidding, I just told myself to snap out of it and stop being melodramatic. Sure, I don't have a job yet and I'm not doing what a college grad is "supposed" to be doing, but what is anyone supposed to be doing anyway? If life had a recipe, no wait, it doesn't. I'm confident the job will come soon enough and I may be in a new city with a new job in a month or two months or maybe even a year. All I can do now is do my best and enjoy the here and now, cliche, I know, but often times we are so caught up in what is supposed to be and not what is. All I can do now is check the last thing on my list for the day, jump off the treadmill and go have a margarita.